zfaust
In Constant Recalibration
One thing I came across in my studies during my first semester is that life is a spectrum of sorts. The pendulums constantly swing as various factors impact our lives.
In the moment of writing that it felt obvious yet theoretical. If I remember correctly I based it on past experiences as opposed to speculative futuristic ones.
But in the moment of writing this my building is still under a partial order to vacate. Only this month we’ve be constantly visited by more inspectors, engineers, activists, and contractors than the previous. We’ve even had the mayor pay us a visit while on his Rental Rip-Off Tour.
With high hopes of getting back into analog creation and continuing my studies of the physical, it’s been hard forcing the pendulum to swing back the other way.
Stuck in this apartment, but yet insecure as to if we’ll ever have to leave in a flash it’s been hard replanting the roots needed to making physical things that take up space and time.
Continuing the trend of my last packet I’m carving out a digital space for this packet. I feel guilty abandoning my original plan. I feel like a sham, and I feel like I’m letting myself down. I’m the dam preventing myself from working towards a better experience.
But I don’t know what else to do amongst this insecurity. I’m doing my best to make the most with what I have, but I didn’t realize the pendulum swinging could leave me mentally, physically, and emotionally precarious.
Regardless, I search for the things that bring me back to homeostasis. The early mornings reading the stories of the lives of others, cooking meals, and spending nights out with friends.
I know eventually this will be a story of the past, and I’ll feel secure to make again.